I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
