Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
