the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
