I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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