Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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