so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
