im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn victory sex feels great
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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