before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
