I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
