are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
