1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This baby is an asshole
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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