Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
