All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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