Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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