okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
