Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
