You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
