were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
