woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
