I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
