i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
