is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
