I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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