my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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