I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
