Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
