After last night, I could never be a politician.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
