I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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