i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
