I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
