ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
