Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
