good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
