Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize