I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
