I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
