So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
