I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
