matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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