Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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