I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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