I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm both gender and math confused
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
