So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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