She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
