hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
