we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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