Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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