i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize