I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
