It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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