i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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