i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
