i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
