Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
