Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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