he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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