i don't like sucking hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
