Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
