I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
soo... how was my night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
