If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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