Yo dont text me then not text me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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