The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
