I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
