So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
