A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
