There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
