The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there was a trapeze. enough said
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
