I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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