Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
